• Aneta Bobowska

How your hidden shadow side keeps you stuck

Updated: Nov 15, 2021

What if you saw people that you dislike in life & work as the opportunity to transform yourself?

People you dislike - path to transformation

Our aversion to some people may be our response to fear that specific qualities we see in them also exist within us.

As much as most of us wish we could exist in harmony with the people we encounter throughout our lives, there will always be individuals we dislike. Some simply rub us the wrong way while others strike us as deliberately unaware. We might judge others as too mean or selfish or abrasive for us to interact with them comfortably.

The reason we dislike some individuals are often complex. Often we are automatically averse to people who are different because they compel us to question our values, culture and present a treat to our self- assurance.

Yet no person should be judged because of their beliefs, opinions and way of being not compatible with our own. How do we know what is "good" or "bad" and could this vary depending on the circumstances? Is it always black and white?

Notice how quick your mind is in making a judgment of the other person's behaviour as "good" or "bad". You might be doing this to yourself as well and judging yourself the same way.

The problem is we never stop and ask ourselves where does our judgement come from? Who taught us what is "good" and "bad" and how we should be and behave in this world?

I invite you to reflect on your judgment about you and others.

Are you free to express yourself or are you limited by your automatic throughs and are you on autopilot playing out your social conditioning without realising it?

Or maybe you keep getting caught up in your fears and worries which prevent you from feeling comfortable in your own skin and shining your light?

Maybe you are still hide and not show the fullness of you fearing being judged and rejected, thinking you should be perfect?

Let's notice how uncomfortable it is to admit that we have the "good- desirable" and "bad- undesirable" side to us. The "bad" side are the traits of character that someone long time ago told us are NOT acceptable and NOT welcomed in a women. But are they really so "bad"? Or that's the most beautiful and powerful aspects of being a women e.g. our sensuality and sexuality, feminine power and our unique gifts and talents we hide?

Who is it that robbed you from the fullness of you and made you feel bad about certain aspects of your character and femininity and send you to hiding by accepting only the "good" side of you?

What if the people we dislike in life and have strong aversion to show us something in us? Character traits that we hidden away and rejected about overselves?

Their presence is our opportunity to face the internal conflict we would rather not confront.

It is time to ask overselves why is our reaction so laden with powerful emotions when we interact with this person? What is it in that person specifically that we dislike so much and judge as "bad"? Why we wouldn't want to be this type of person? What would it mean for us?

This self observation may not have an immediate breakthrough but our willingness to consider our dislike rationally can help us better understand the root of your feelings and unconscious fears we have which keep us stuck in life and prevent us from getting what we want and becoming the magnificent women we meant to be.

Your aversion to certain individuals may not ease yet the reflection time can ease your discomfort by responding to them with compassion and kindness while examining your fears carefully.

Remember that it is us that control our feelings and we can minimise the negative impact on our well-being by choosing how we respond to ourselves, others and life.

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